Edmund Kelly and the End of the World

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I haven’t spent much time writing this summer, but I have spent a good deal of time reading. I’ve tried to pick up books that were Indie published, and I’m so pleased that I did. I found several gems that I’ll highlight over the next few weeks.

When I was younger I had an uncle that studied the Bible, he was interested in Eschatology, which is the study of the end times. He used to tell us how the tribulation period might play out and what the symbolism of the Book of Revelation could mean in practical terms. It both intrigued me and scared the hell out of me. My dear uncle passed away several years ago, and I haven’t had any in-depth chats about it with anyone else.

Along comes this book with what looks like a beautiful fantasy cover.  I was not sure what to expect going into Edmund Kelley’s Addiction & Pestilence (Slaying Dragons: A Journey Through Hell). At first, I thought it was going to be a zombie apocalypse tale, but then I got to the end of the first chapter, and my blood literally ran cold.

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Edmund has a vision of how the end will start that dredged up all those feelings of terror from so long ago. It. Was. Awesome.

His characters are so multi-faceted and real that they practically leap off the page. I felt like I was peeping and eavesdropping into people’s lives. He hints at an idea that I have long held: that our choices in the physical world can open up doors in the spiritual that may or may not benefit us. *Thinks of all the bad things I’ve ever done and shivers*

I reached out to Mr. Kelly, and he agreed to share some insights with us about himself and his book!

This is your debut novel. Can you tell us a little bit about yourself to introduce readers to you?

Hi, my name is Edmund, but I go by Ed. I grew up in a small town south of Boston. I come from an Irish family and was raised Catholic. I’m married to a wonderful woman who has endured all of my bullshit and has stayed by my side. We have a daughter together, and I have a step-daughter.

That’s great! Behind most successful writers is a spouse who has a big shovel for all the BS! 

Most of us writers come to writing on our own unique pathway. What led you to become a writer?

I’ve always read since I was a little boy. My mom encouraged me to read and every Saturday morning she would take my sister and me to our public library. We’d browse looking for books that seemed interesting. She would always ask me about the book and what I liked about it once I had finished. I enjoyed writing at a young age, but I never did much until now.

God Bless the moms who love reading and the library. I don’t know of a better combination for kids.

I’m curious to know why you write in the horror genre.

It’s kind of funny because I didn’t set out to write horror. I thought my writing would be more sci-fi or action/adventure. My favorite top three authors are Lee Child (I love the Jack Reacher series), Dan Brown and Stephen King. Clearly, King has influenced my writing the most. At first, I didn’t like that my book fell into the horror classification, but it’s kind of hard to ignore the horror aspects of my writing.

Besides King being an influence, I’d have to blame my sister and mother as well. My mom loved watching the Creature Double Feature on Saturdays back in the early 80’s when I was a young boy. My sister loves horror. She watches every horror movie that comes out. When I was a kid, she made me watch movie after movie. Now back in the 80’s, there was a ton of horror movies, most of them B movies. My sister is five years older than me, so she was forced to watch me as my dad was in and out of the picture and my mom worked a lot to support us. To this day, I still vividly remember my sister taking me to see The Night of the Comet back in 1984. I was petrified. It was the first horror movie I had seen in a darkened theater. I remember telling my sister I was scared and I wanted to leave. Well, she had just used her birthday money to purchase the tickets, so she wasn’t leaving. I ended up leaving the theater and hanging out in the lobby waiting for the movie to end. That was my first real scare from a horror movie.

I’ve since seen The Night of the Comet all the way through and question as to why I was so scared.

I think I read that Stephen King doesn’t consider his stuff horror either! Pretty good company to have. I’d say your book falls easily into sci-fi and action as well. I loved your book, so I’ll just say a big thank you to your mom and sister.

What kind of things scare you now?

Sharks, they scare the shit out of me. And heights.

All wise things to be scared of, and I’ll file them away in my ‘ways to freak out readers’ database!

Your book Addiction & Pestilence (Slaying Dragons: A Journey Through Hell) created a terrifying and realistic account of what could happen when the apocalypse hits. Where did you get the idea for your story?

I’ve always been fascinated with the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. I started writing about ten years ago and toyed around a little each year, but I just felt like I was missing that something special. The beginning of chapter 3 is pulled directly from my life. It was difficult to admit, but I’m an alcoholic.  I’m sober today.

After that scene took place in real life, I joined AA. While sitting in AA and listening to all these different people from all walks of life talk about their addiction, the idea hit me. What if every character has some form of addiction they must overcome while trying to survive the end of the world. I went home and started writing. I finished the first draft in three months.

There are a lot of characters in my book and I wanted to introduce them all to the reader from day one. Each character will play an important role throughout the series. I didn’t want to introduce main characters later on in the story and have to provide back story for the reader as to what happened to them and how they survived up until that point. I’m not fond of flashbacks when used to introduce a main character as I feel it slows the momentum of the story. Of course, there will be new characters introduced, but they won’t require a flashback. I thought it would be great to see all of these different characters in their normal life when the apocalypse first started.

Congratulations on your sobriety! The aspect of every character having an addiction was brilliant. Your characters are really diverse but that one unifying aspect gives the separate stories a cohesiveness, and a feeling of, these guys are either going to be exquisitely redeemed or epically damned.

People, myself included, are always curious about how writers do what they do. Do you have any unique writing rituals or habits?

I get up at 5:00 am every morning and some days depending if I’m tired or not I will try and do a little writing. I don’t like being up against the clock to get ready for work. For the most part, I write at night once my wife and daughter have gone to bed. So, I start around 10:00 pm and write until I’m tired which is usually around midnight or 1:00 am. I do have a little ritual. I find a song that reminds me of the character I’m working on and I listen to that song over and over again. It helps keep that original thought of the character in my head and stay focused on them.

It works because the thing that most impressed me about your book was the characters. I feel invested in their lives now and can’t wait for more.

Speaking of more, what is next for you?

I’m currently working on the second book in the series titled, Demons & War. Just wait until you see what I have in store! Fear quantified.

Well, get to work, Ed! I have to know how this plays out for everyone! Just kidding, sort of.

Where can we find out more about you and your writing?

You can find more about me here:

Twitter: @edkell99

Facebook:  http://www.facebook.com/edmundkellyslayingdragons

Website http://www.edmundkelly.com

Thanks so much, Ed. I will be waiting with bated breath for the next installment.

I highly recommend Addiction & Pestilence (Slaying Dragons: A Journey Through Hell) by Edmund Kelly. I’ll just warn you ahead of time, you will be hooked…and scared!

Until next time, Never Turn Off the Lights.

Tales from the Ghost Town Writers Retreat

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15493618_10154899107475972_7094799763006043672_oI have had a difficult time writing this past year. I have a novel that I have started and stopped more times than I care to admit and a Christmas project that I decided to postpone from the planned November publish date. I had amazing momentum coming into this year, but it fizzled quickly, and I’m not sure why.

I decided many months ago to attend the Ghost Town Writers Retreat at the beginning of August to see if I could get my groove back, then my Grandma passed away a few weeks ago, and I almost canceled. Losing her hit me harder than I expected and I just wanted to hide out. My darling husband took time off from work to go with me and said it would give us some time away from the kids together, I suspect he knew I needed him to give me an extra push.

The retreat was held in the small mining town of Georgetown, Colorado. I’m a Colorado native but can say I’ve never hung out in Georgetown for anything more than a bathroom break, fill up, or to get to the pass to go to Clear Lake. I remember when I was little my parents looked at buying a piece of property there. The day they went to look at the property they dropped me, my two siblings, and my grandparents off at the little park in town to eat lunch so they could speak to the realtor without distraction. My sister would not play or leave the bench she sat on. It wasn’t until I told her where I was going that she said the park was full of spooks and they demanded to know why she was there. It scared the hell out of her, and that’s why she wouldn’t play. Weird story, I know, but totally normal in my family.

Georgetown is only about an hour from our house on I-70, but the ride up was hairy. The retreat needed to borrow some grills for the Grill and Greet, so I volunteered ours. Since my husband was coming along, we took his truck and loaded our old gas grill into the bed. The day was overcast, and the wind was picking up. Just as I inquired if the grill was safely tethered a huge bang shook us. The grill had fallen over but not out of the bed. Sadly, the handle didn’t survive. After readjusting the bungee cords, we journeyed on. We drove through dense fog, drenching rain, and pounding hail. It didn’t help that I woke up that morning with a nagging headache. Maybe it was a sign to go home, I thought.

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I-70 Westbound

 

When we got to the hotel we discovered that it would be some time before for our room would be ready and we were a little confused about where to check in for the conference, but we did figure out where to take the grill. After an uninvited cloud burst, my husband helped cook up some buffalo hot dogs and burgers, and we had a tasty little dinner with some fascinating folks.

One of the things I really wanted to do was check out the park. I still had a headache, but the next morning I grabbed my camera and off we went. The moment I entered the park through the iron archway my headache was joined by a turbulent stomach. No one demanded to know why I was there, but it felt heavy and strange. My husband asked if it used to be a cemetery because it gave that kind of vibe. As a side note, I got a terrible headache working on this piece, and I kept getting an error message when I tried to upload the photos of the park, it took several tries. Coincidence? Maybe, but my husband says I should quit messing around with this subject!

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The Park Entrance

Even though my head and tummy were very unhappy, I continued to hit up all the sessions I could. Every single session was terrific, and the presenters (some first timers) were great. When we got home and were describing some of the things we learned my daughter laughed and said it sounded like a murders’ convention! Most of the sessions were held in the historic Heritage Center, the old school house. The building restoration was fabulous!

The marketing sessions were beneficial, as that is the area I dislike the most about this author thing and find the most challenging. I’m a quiet, shy, introverted person which is a huge hindrance to my marketing efforts. I made a commitment to myself to move way out of my comfort zone in the coming months regarding this.

I also had an epiphany. I believe my difficulty in writing has come because I know the marketing will come after. Yes. I hate it that much. I think I got some tools and resources at the retreat that will help me, though.

Being the very first Ghost Town Writers Retreat, there were some hiccups and places where there is room for improvement. I thought Georgetown was a great location and I had the best burger ever (after my tummy finally settled down) at Round About Burgers. The waffles at The Happy Cooker were amazing, and the Family Dollar is stocked better than a full sized Walmart! It turned out to be more of a conference than retreat, however. I would have liked more opportunities to meet up and write with other writers. And coffee! Coffee at the venue for morning sessions, please!

I wasn’t sure where or how to sign up for editor/agent sessions, but since I didn’t feel well, I opted not to pursue it. Maybe for next year,  the signup and location information could be available a few days before the event begins.

There was a walking ghost tour that I would have loved to attend, but it happened on Sunday evening, and I was already jonesing for my kids. We opted for the train, mine tour, and of course, the cemetery.

We really didn’t need a ghost tour anyway. I drug my husband around the town late on Saturday night, just to see what we might see. He always warns that I better not get him arrested, but I’ve been doing this to him for years, and so far we are arrest free, knock on wood!

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Haunted Hamill House After Dark

 

Even though I didn’t feel well for the first three days, I feel like I got out of it what I wanted. I have a strategy to push through my writing wall, and I got to spend some time with my husband. He got a better idea of what it is I do and struggle with and ended up getting into it himself! I said we should just write spooky books together and forget everything else!

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My Handsome Husband – It Looks Good on Him!

 

I can only imagine what it takes to organize a thing like this. The speakers and moderators were great. The movie screening of Dead Awake was fun, and I wanted to ask Jeffery Riddick (Dead Awake, Final Destination) what led them to cast Lori Petty (Orange is the New Black), she was great by the way, but my head was killing me.

How you go about contacting all these folks and getting them to come to a retreat in a tiny Colorado mountain town is beyond me. I’m grateful for the opportunity and that I ignored my headache AND did not go back home. I am already looking forward to next year, but I think I’ll stay away from the park…or not!

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The Binding Chord of Stories

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mourning-360500_1920Today I am tired to the bone. There is not one inch of me that doesn’t hurt. My eyes are scratchy and bloated. I feel like a ran a marathon or spent the last two days in drunken bar fights. In a way, I wish either of those things are what is wrong with me.

I have no desire to read, promote, edit, or write. I don’t even want to look at my laptop. There is a piece of me that never wants to write another word or utter any kind of story. I’m forcing myself to write this because I think it will be good for me and no other reason.

You see, yesterday I returned to the place that we laid my mom to rest, almost to the day, forty years ago. This time I buried my second mother, my maternal grandmother, Rose Lovato. If you read my bio in my book you would know that she is one of the reasons that I love spooky stuff. Our culture and our family have always had a unique connection to the supernatural and no-one could convey that better than Rosie.

When I was little and my mom was missing to go to chemo my Grandma Rose would stay with us. We would cuddle on the bottom bunk bed and she would tell us stories. Some funny, some scary. I would beg to hear the scary ones over and over, so much so that I earned the nickname Spooky.

I didn’t care if it wasn’t cuddle time either. I remember being in her kitchen and she was making tortillas, rolling dough into balls, placing them in the galvanized pot and covering them with a red and white tea towel to rise. Her bright red finger nail polish flashed as she rolled out and worked the dough. I begged her to tell me a story. I think she was annoyed that I wouldn’t let her get her work done, but she told me a story anyway.

The day before she went into hospice she was telling us stories. Beautiful stories about answered prayers and angels she saw. I tucked these away in that secret place in my heart reserved for my most private thoughts and memories.

At her memorial service, we shared stories about her. Her devotion to prayer and middle of the day phone calls, no she did not care if you were at work. How she won $6000 at her favorite casino. The time she had to go to the tavern to find our grandpa and when a man made a lewd comment to her she beat the hell out of him with her purse. How they lost everything in a big fire when they lived in Utah and she took her two tiny babies on the train back to Colorado that very night in nothing but her nightgown. How much she liked a good party, and good music, and to sing. And tell stories.

Today I feel like I will never publish an other thing. It takes confidence to put your work out into the world. I have what I consider a delicate balance of support from those around me. My insecurities regarding writing are legion and require specific support from specific people. Knowing somebody as tough and outspoken as Rosie was in my corner, no matter what drivel I put out, made me feel like I could do this. She’d be there with her big purse to wonk anyone that dissed me. Now there is a terrible void in that network of support.

Remember I told you my family has a unique connection to the supernatural? At her memorial, one of my cousins told me he talked to her and that she was ok and wanted us all to know that she was happy, she was where she wanted to be. Perfectly normal in my family, perfectly acceptable. My boy reminded me this morning as he came in to see me writing this and crying, that Grandma Rose is still there for us, not to worry. She may have come to him too, but he rarely speaks about the encounters he has.

Many elements or themes from stories Grandma Rose told me pop up in my writing. Stories, it would seem, are the binding chord from me to her, from this world to the next. I’ll keep telling them, for her. 

Until next time – Thank you for teaching me to be a good woman. Love you, Grandma Rose.rose-402671_1920

Beware the Garage Sale!

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It’s not like I need more stuff. We are drowning in stuff at my house, but I just can’t seem to resist a good garage sale. In my town, the various neighborhoods have community garage sale weekends where almost every house has junk in their driveway. Junk begging to come home with me.

My more sensitive relatives remind me to be careful bringing used stuff home, you never know what’s attached to it. Sorry, dear loved ones, but I am purposefully looking for weird objects.

johnI don’t mean that I want a museum of cursed objects in my basement like The Warrens, John Zaffis, or Zak Bagans, but I do want to figure out if this idea of haunted objects has any merit. Like with most paranormal topics, I want to know how it ticks. Is there a logical, organic, natural explanation? Or is it something else? If it is something else, what is it and what does that mean in a broader world-view sense?

peggySomeone I would consider an expert in such matters is Jayne Harris of HD Paranormal. She believes that sometimes it is something else. She explains it as an emotional or spiritual connection to an object, either through prior ownership or displacement (this is when energy is transferred or absorbed by an object in the location of trauma; a gun used to kill someone for instance). Many times her team finds other explanations, but not always.

What happens in the rare event that you bring a haunted item into your home? Some people report that the item will make them feel anxious, angry, sad, or cold. Odors, good and bad, can accompany the item. Most disturbingly, however, are items that purport to move on their own and voices that emanate from the piece. Worse yet are reports of bad luck or illness befalling the owner.

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99¢ start!

Hate garage sales? Thrift stores, not your thing? There is no shortage of haunted items that you can purchase on the internet. I did a quick search of haunted objects for sale and ran across several dolls, some priced as high as $2,000.00! That doll better do dishes and laundry for that price. A lot of haunted masks that would be creepy enough on their own are available in a wide price range. Voodoo dolls and haunted jewelry tend to be numerous and in my indie author price range!

In all my years of bringing home odd items, I can’t say any of them caused any of the above-mentioned symptoms. However, last year I was rummaging through an old barn that had been renovated into an antique store with my daughter. We entered an area on the second-floor hay loft and all the hair on my arms stood to attention. I can only describe the feeling as the heebie-jeebies. We left the area and I felt fine. I went back and the heebie-jeebies returned. I love that feeling. It makes me happy. I hung out there for several minutes. I thought about buying something. I thought about warnings from my family. I went home empty handed.

I figure it’s better to write about spooky stuff than forcing my family to live through it, I mean you never know. But someday all the kids will be grown and out of the house! Sorry, husband.

I went back to this antique store a couple weeks ago. No heebie-jeebies. Either it was my mind playing tricks, wishful thinking, OR the haunted item has been SOLD!

Been to any garage sales this summer? Been feeling a little under the weather? Feel any strong emotions you can’t explain? Smell something weird? Is that doll in a different place than you left her? Please. Please, invite me over!

Until next time, Never Turn off the Lights!

How a Fender Bender Inspired a Terrifying Book Series with Author Richard Crofton

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Browsing some horror titles, looking for my next read, this cover caught my eye. I don’t usually read series because of time constraints and a very long “to read” list, but I bought it. Boy, am I glad I did! A terrifying premise and superb writing hooked me.

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Would you believe that a secret group with dark powers to control your mind are at work to take over the world? If you don’t, you just might after reading this book. What’s the most terrifying aspect is that the members of this group could be anyone, including that friend or lover that you think you know so well! Richard Crofton gives you just the right amount of story to keep you guessing and wanting more. I’m dying for the rest of the story and I apologize to others on the “to read” list but you might get bumped.

I’m super excited to tell you that I reached out to Richard Crofton and he agreed to share some insights about himself and his books!

Richard, tell us a little bit about yourself.

Originally from Wilmington, Delaware, I currently reside in Florida with my wife and our three children. I taught English Language Arts for ten years but now work as an instructor in the art of Shaolin Kempo Karate. I’m an avid lover of animals, backpacking/camping, bowling, chess games, baseball, and homemade Italian food (also love my Philly cheese steaks!). However, creative writing and martial arts are my two main passions, and I’m grateful to have the opportunity to pursue both avenues.

Teacher to Karate and Writer! That’s quite a career range. What led you to become a writer?

It’s always something I’ve enjoyed. I’ve been writing stories off and on since I was a kid, but I never held onto any of my work. When I was a school teacher, I used to create short, silly stories and turned them into grammar exercises for my students. I only recently became more serious about writing to publish when I came up with the idea for The Keepers of White series about four years ago.

Here’s something I get asked all the time and I’m always curious how other horror writers respond. Why do you write in the horror genre?

For some reason, I get drawn very deeply into the movies I watch, as if it’s real for me when I know it’s now. Therefore, in truth, I hate horror movies (except a select few of the classics). They actually still scare me, especially the stories in which the conflict is not resolved. The characters are desperately trying to stop the evil entity, but in the end, they fail and usually die. Or they think they win, and then there’s a twist at the end where we see that they actually failed. Then after it’s over, I still can’t stop thinking about it. But when I write horror, I have control over what happens. And with the horror stories I write, there is usually a powerful and evil supernatural entity, just like in the films, but I also like to create a character who is equally powerful to fight against it. In my mind, there has to be a balance of power between the things that cause fear and the things that cause hope. And having characters brave and strong enough to face that evil head on kind of helps me feel better about the not-so-pleasant outcomes of all those scary movies that freaked me out as a kid.

As a horror writer, I’m always thinking about what scares people. Besides being helpless against evil, what else scares you?

In books and movies: The intense music, tiny whispers and/or giggling sounds, and mostly little girls dolled up in dresses with blank expressions on their faces (It all started with The Shining).

In real life: Old, abandoned, haunted-looking buildings, snakes, flying (well, only the part right when you first land), and nuns. My two biggest fears are drowning, and most of all, someone stealing or harming one of my children.

Something happening to my kids is a big one for me, too. Thanks for sharing. I will file these away in my ‘how to freak out readers’ file!

Many writers have rituals unique to them. Do you have a writing ritual?

For some reason, I cannot work at home. When I was an English teacher, I could not focus at home to grade my students’ essays. It’s like that with writing as well.

My only ritual: Sitting with my laptop at a table at Dunkin’ Donuts with a large hot coffee.

Yuunmm! Donuts!

Your book The Keepers of the White, Book I: Agents of Shadow has a very spooky premise. Where did you get the idea for your story?

I’m actually working on my next blog article about this. I still can’t explain it. In the fall of 2010, I wrecked my car in an accident, so for a few days, I drove a rental to work. I had forgotten to transfer my I-pod from the wrecked car to the rental, so for the first time in years, I turned on the regular radio on my way to work (who listens to local FM stations anymore?). As soon as I hit the power button, “Black Magic Woman” was playing (I can’t remember if it was Santana’s or Fleetwood Mac’s version). Listening to the lyrics and the tune, my imagination suddenly created the character Diana Palmer from my
book, who, as readers will see in the upcoming second book, is the most ruthless of the Agents of Shadow. A woman so wicked, but also so beautiful, enchanting, and seductive, that no one can resist her powers of manipulation. From there it just grew, and the entire story just started forming in my head.

What’s next for you?

Books II and III of The Keepers of White series have already been written. I’m currently working on Book IV. I’ve also been writing a few short stories here and there, and when I have enough, I will compile them into an anthology. Further, in the future, I’d like to try my hand at non-fiction and write a light-hearted and humorous memoir about my experiences as a middle school Language Arts teacher.

I’m so glad to know the rest of the story is waiting for me! Working in Middle school certainly gave me lots of laughs as well. I’ll look for that one, too!

Where can we find out more about you and your writing?

Best place is my blog: https://richardcrofton.wordpress.com/ I blog three different categories. One is “All About The Keepers of White,” where I talk about the background, the inspirations behind, and the characters of my series. I also write book reviews for other authors. But the third category is called “The Little I’ve Learned,” in which I write about my experiences as a writer, a father, and a teacher. I think that’s the best way for readers to get to know me as a person.I can also be followed on:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/richardcroftonauthor/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/WriterCrofton
Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/16367519.Richard_Crofton
Amazon: Richard Crofton’s Amazon Page

Thank you so much for your time, Richard. I truly enjoyed reading your book and look forward to the rest of the story!

And thank you, dear readers! Check out Richard’s book The Keepers of the White, Book I: Agents of Shadow if you dare! I promise you will be thinking about it long after you close the cover. Until next time, Never Turn Off the Lights!

Announcing Ghost Light Stories

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By LouisHeon – Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=17896781

I’m a firm believer that you can never get enough scares in your life! That’s why I’m so excited to introduce a new feature to this site: Ghost Light Stories. Once a month you’ll be treated to a spooky tale either from myself, a guest horror author or from readers just like you!

A Ghost Light is a single naked bulb left burning in an empty theatre. For practical reasons, this light keeps someone from accidentally walking into to the orchestra pit or off the side of the stage, but it’s also surrounded by superstition. There is a widespread tradition that most theaters are haunted. One story goes that the Ghost Light allows the spirits to take to the stage in otherworldly performances when the living actors have left the building. In a little darker version, the Ghost Light keeps the spirits with evil intentions away from the theatre ensuring safety and success. Either way, you may wish to fire up your own Ghost Light before you hear these creepy tales!

If you have a story of your own you’d like to share with us, please email it to info@joyyehle.com  Fellow authors encouraged to play! You can also follow Ghost Light Stories on my YouTube channel at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7yz0LWLYNbdv-02mUvq0Aw

Enjoy!

Easter Bunny. Friend or Foe?

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Easter weekend is upon us again. I’ll be dying eggs tonight with my family and preparing to host everyone for a meal on Sunday after sunrise service at a park here in my town. We will have an egg hunt or two and hopefully, we can find all the eggs. There have been a few years when some of the eggs disappeared into a different dimension and were never seen again. Pretty typical Easter.

My kids have made sure we have carrots for the Easter Bunny. I don’t know about you, but I think he might be the strangest Easter icon of all. You might believe he came about because he’s a symbol of new life and pagan in origin, but he might be more German than pagan.

German immigrants brought the tradition of Osterhase or Oschter Haws, a colored egg-laying rabbit, to America with them. As the tradition spread so did the gifts the bunny drops off on Easter morning to include chocolate, games, and other goodies.

Now, let’s think about that for a minute. A rabbit. That lays eggs. Colored eggs, no less.

Then the little freak, or mutation, or whatever he is, also leaves chocolate. Sometimes in the shape of HIMSELF. I don’t even want to know where the chocolate comes from!

I think there’s more weirdness going on here than first meets the eye.

I know what you are thinking. It’s a cute little furry bunny who brings nothing but happiness. But check this out. If you look at this one just right, it looks likes an alien skull. AN ALIEN for crying out loud! animal-1934328_1920

Yes, you say. But they are cute and furry. Oh? Really? He looks pissed. And look at those claws! I dare you to touch his eggs. Those things aren’t easy to lay, you know.easter-eggs-2009530_1920

That’s not even a bunny, just a bear impersonating a bunny. Okay, what do you say about this guy? What is that sticking out of his mouth? Antenna? Feelers? What, I ask, WHAT?DEARLORDBUNNY

I’m not being fair to the bunny you say? Okay, how do you explain these guys? It’s a whole dang army. Those are not bunny buck teeth. They are FANGS! I can see the bloodlust in their eyes.bunnies-151390_1280

Look at more traditional Easter Bunnies? Oh, all right. These guys look like specters haunting the woods ready to curse you or eat your soul.decoration-1557661_1920

Too commercial? Homemade bunnies are better. Really? easter-bunny-7253_1920

Oh, and look! Another unholy bunny army! You might want to eat them before they eat you. I think I see some black-eyed bunnies in there!easter-bunny-7255_1920

Come on, Joy! You are shouting at me now. Kids love the Easter Bunny, you say. Yep, looks like love all right. I’ll bet this poor kid is still in therapy.WEREBUNNY

Hey! That’s over the top now, you object. All I can say is, it’s better than this guy showing up! HALLOWEENBUNNY

Okay. Would you rather have this show up? easterbunnywagon

Now that we have examined the Easter Bunny, I’m not so sure I want him to come by.

On second thought, it’s worth it to get some treats! Hi, my name is Joy and I’m a chocoholic.

We had some fun with our dear rabbit. Take a moment to consider the most amazing icon of this holiday, the tomb is empty. Until next time, Never Turn Off the Lights!

p.s. a special thanks to Pixabay for providing many of the fun images!